Last September, on Yom Kippur (the Day of Atonement for Jews) we are supposed to be finishing up atoning for our mistakes thoughout the past year. There are steps we should have taken up to this day to make sure this is possible. There are three steps that need to be completed to be forgiven: 1: the person who you have wronged must forgive you, 2: you must self examine why you made this mistake to begin with so it doesn't happen again, and 3: You must never do it again. If all three of these are fulfilled you will be forgiven for the errors you have made.
This year the Rabbi caught me off guard. As we entered the sanctuary we were handed a piece of paper and a pencil. On the paper was written: Who have you forgiven? Uh oh, nobody asked me for forgiveness. I didn't know there was going to be a test. Especially when I'm hungry and thirsty. I had a hard time paying attention for the rest of the service trying to think of who I wanted to forgive. By the end I had decided to forgive Michael Vick. As an animal lover and pit bull owner I've had a really hard time with this one. I haven't watched an Eagles game since they signed him. I said I'd forgive and I'm working on it. It's been harder than I thought. A question that most people probably just gave a moments thought has stayed on my mind.
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ReplyDeleteIt's one thing to offer forgiveness with your lips and another to forgive with your mind and your heart.
ReplyDeleteI suspect most people do the former without following through with the latter. You are not "most people," so this will take more than fleeting intentions.
Speaking from my own experience, just when I think I've worked through the bitterness against my stepfather & stepbrothers, I'm surprised and angry with myself when it all festers to the surface. I want to forgive them; making it happen is way harder than I imagined.
(My prior post pretty much said the same thing but with a condescending tone. It had to go.)
That is what's happening to me. I think I've got it then it all comes back. If I could talk to him I could get a feeling whether to trust that he has truly examined what he has done wrong. That would help. I've considered writing him a letter but if I don't get a response it might then make it harder and it may not be his fault he didn't see it.
ReplyDeleteI get the condescending tone part. Try not to get angry with yourself, this isn't an easy path. I think the Rabbi wanted us to write it down so we had to look at it and make it real.