A Voice from the Past

I retired in 2002 after 21 years as a 911 dispatcher. It was a great job. I loved the work. Sure stupid people made it aggravating sometimes, but overall it was a very rewarding experience. When I was young and an adrenaline junkie this was a dream job.

Stupidest call: After a blizzard when people had been stuck inside for several days I received a call from a woman, crying, almost to the point of hysteria, because her power was still out and she had to go out but she couldn't get her car out because of the garage door opener doesn't work without power. I had her go to the garage, told her to look for a cord hanging from the garage door opener, told her it's usually red. She said she saw it and I told her to pull it. She did and lo and behold the door was released and she could open the door. She started crying harder and thanked me for saving her. God forbid this woman ever has to deal with a real emergency. Of course this was after answering about 300 calls in an 8 hour period so my patience had worn pretty thin at that point.

Second stupidest call: A man who wanted an ambulance because he found a tick on his stomach.

Third stupidest call: A woman who called and was upset because there were three deer in her backyard and she wanted them removed.

Alright, that's enough of that.

I feel weird saying this but I was a pretty darn good dispatcher. Something I got a lot of satisfaction from was training new dispatchers. Dispatching is a tough job to learn. They can only teach you so much in classroom training. Most of what you learn is through experience and having a good mentor to teach you once you're out of the classroom. That's what I liked to do. It seemed like I almost always had a trainee. I didn't mind taking them and they usually turned out pretty good so management was more than happy to keep assigning me new ones.

Best call ever with a trainee: One trainee I had was afraid to answer the phone. Kinda tough in our line of work, you gotta get over that. So I told him he was going to answer the next phone call no matter where in the county it was. Moments later a phone line lights up and I don't even give him a chance I push the button and pick up the extension to listen. Trainee: Police Radio, What is your emergency? Caller: A PLANE JUST CRASHED AT MAIN ST AND BROAD ST, ANY TOWN...OH MY GOD!!!!! I look over at my trainee and his mouth is open but nothing is coming out. He looks like a deer just about to be hit by a locomotive. I whisper to him, "Is it a big plane or a little plane?" That's just enough to break the moment and he goes on to handle the call. Needless to say after that one he was no longer afraid of the phone.

Sorry I digressed again. I promise there is a point to all this.

If there was one thing I didn't like about my job it was management. Oh, I know lots of people complain about their bosses. This place was run by a bunch of misogynists. Some were political appointees, some were members of the good ol' boys club and some were just pricks. Either way it wasn't an easy place for a woman to work. The only reason I survived in the early days was because I had big tits, nice legs and did a good job. As time went on it appeared to get better, but it really didn't. The boys just got better at not being so obvious with their remarks. It also helped that even though I had an easy going attitude, in general I didn't take any shit from the assholes. Oh, and if you have one that is particularly annoying, make acquaintance with his wife and watch the spineless wonder stay out of your way. Just saying.

Usually, when I got a new trainee management left the trainee and me alone. It was rare that I would hear from them. Other than the typical progress report the only person who cared was the one who did the schedules so he could know when to expect them to be able to work on their own.

So the next round of trainees become available and I'm assigned a woman who is just about my age. I'm going to call her "Mary." That's kinda unusual, mostly younger folks apply for this job. I like her immediately, she's bright, articulate and I can tell she takes no shit from anyone. Secretly, I wonder how she got the job (okay, she is slim and pretty), they don't usually like to hire women with that personality type. It didn't take long for me to notice that one of our bosses has a problem with her. He was up that woman's ass from day one. I had never had anyone from management question my training style. It was different from most others but it worked so they left me alone. Not this time, "spineless wonder" had it out for her. He hounded me to push her harder. He questioned everything she did. I never felt like I had to protect a trainee before but he had her so unnerved I had to run blocker to keep him away from her. Even with all this going on she was learning her job amazing quick. It wasn't long before she was on her own, but even then she would often come to me for advice on how to avoid conflict with this person. He also made sure she was given the worst shifts available, just to add icing on the cake. Why didn't she just quit? She was recently divorced and raising a young son on her own. It came down to money, she needed the pay and the benefits.

The years passed and other strong willed women were hired. Rumors floated around of conflicts, sexual harassment, intimidation and drug use involving management. At some point I decided that I didn't like my job anymore and wanted to spend more time with my young children. I retired and tried not to look back. Occasionally, I'd run into someone I knew who still worked there and they'd tell me how screwed up things were. I'd always walk away grateful that I left when I did. People still sometimes ask me if I'd go back there to work. I always say you never say never but I can not imagine working there ever again.

I'd heard that a law suit had been filed against management. A couple of women had asked me to testify. But to be quite honest, I had nothing concrete to help them. Sure I'd had an idea what was going on. But having an idea doesn't cut it in a court of law so it was easy for me to say, sorry can't help you.

Today I get a phone call from Mary. The strong voiced, self assured woman I knew is not who I hear on the phone. She sounds weak and exhausted. She tells me that she is one of the women involved in the law suit against the department. I wasn't surprised. She asked me if I would testify that when she was in training she was subjected, almost from the beginning, to harassment. I know this is true. I also know that it was a very long time ago (like 20 years) and my memory for details isn't what it used to be. I also know, from experience, what it is like to testify and be cross examined. Lawyers have a job to do and they don't care about the truth, they only care about getting their job done. They don't care who they shred in the process. I am at a point in my life that I don't think I can put myself through that. Mary hears the hesitation in my voice and starts to cry. She apologizes for crying but I understand she has been through hell. I have heard it from other ex employees of that department. She tells me she understands if I say no. I can't say yes, but I can't just say no without thinking about it, at least overnight.

I've changed in many ways in the last 10 years. I am no longer able to throw myself on the chopping block to help another. When you work as a 911 dispatcher it takes a little bit out of you every time you answer the call. I have used up all I have to give. I need to preserve what I have left for my family and closest friends.

So now I'm the weak one. I can't do it. I'm ashamed of myself for it, but that doesn't change a thing. I can not put myself, and by extension, my family, through it. I'm sorry I let you down.

I am but a shell of my former self.