Things are not what they seem

I homeschool but I'm not Christian
I homeschool but we're not unsocialized
I homeschool but we're not home much
I had a midwife and gave birth naturally: in a hospital
I bottle fed my kids but used cloth diapers
I homeschool and my kids are vaccinated
I don't think fluoride is an evil plot
I'm an overweight middle aged white woman: with pit bulls for pets
I'm an overweight middle aged white woman who will kick your butt if you try to hurt my family
Most of the meals we eat are home cooked with no processed food.
I'll feed my kids fast food without guilt
I live in suburbia but have chickens in my yard
I'm a feminist who is a SAHM
I'm a feminist who would die before I gave up my bra
I'm a liberal who thinks people should be responsible for themselves and their actions
I'm registered Democrat but believe government is way to big
I rarely cry except at the end of sad movies
I'm Jewish and love bacon and lobster
I'm not vain but I dye my hair

If I think of more I'll let you know. What's yours?