Evil lurkes in the maternity ward...cont

A short time later she returns with a bag full of stuff. I don't remember where he went or why but The Engineer wasn't in the room when she returned. So she starts by informing me that I must wear this suction cup device on my nipples at all times when I'm not feeding. She then proceeds to grab my breast and apply it. Holy shit woman that hurt could you of warned me ahead of time. She is obviously insulted. I guess she feels like I should shut up and suck it up. She then asks me what type of breast pump I purchased. I hadn't gotten one because a good friend with three kids told me not to buy one right away and the hospitals had ones to use if I needed it. That way I would be able to find out what I really needed before I spent all that money. She looked at me like I had just said the stupidest thing she had ever heard. She informed me that I needed to send my husband out right now to purchase one so I would have it available immediately. After that little lecture she pulls out the next trick in her bag of horrors. I don't remember exactly what it was but she squeezed my nipple and I reacted by smacking her hand away. I didn't even think about it, I just did it. She immediately started telling me how I needed to gain control of myself because my emotions would just make it harder for the baby to relax and nurse. Still trying to hold it together for the sake of my child I apologized and let her continue to torture me. At some point I had enough and told her I needed to be alone for a while and just work on this on my own. She said she come back in a little while to help me try to get the baby to latch on. I told her that wouldn't be necessary and the nurses could help me. Once again I got another one of those looks. I burst into tears. At that very moment The Engineer walks into the room, takes one look at me and a look of astonishment crosses his face. That is quickly replaced by anger. This man can probably count on one hand the number of times he's seen me cry in 24 years. He turns to the "The Lactation Consultant" and asks her to please leave. She starts to say something and he cuts her off and informs her that her services will no longer be needed. I don't know if it's the tone of his voice or me crying in the background but she hightails it out of there. After I regained some control I told him the whole story. I finally talked and cried it all out and he asked me what I wanted to do. I took a deep breath and asked him to go get some bottles of formula from the nurses and ask them for any information they had on bottle feeding. He returned 5 minutes later with one of the nurses and a box full of bottles. The nurse asked me if I was okay and if I was sure this was what I wanted. She gave me a couple of pamphlets on bottle feeding, helped me get in a comfortable position with the baby and left us alone to peacefully feed her. I then burped her, swaddled her up and she slept peacefully for the first time since she was born.

The Engineer gathered up the medieval devices left behind and threw them away.

After taking a much needed nap we made a list of what we would need to bottle feed and The Engineer went shopping.

I'd love to say I never looked back. The truth is I beat myself up over my "failure" for a long time after The Scientist was born. But as she grew I realized there were going to be many things that didn't work out the way I planned. In spite of it she was growing up to be a happy and healthy kid.

I don't tell to many people I bottle fed because there are so many women out there who just need to tell me that I didn't do what was best for my child. Maybe not but I'll tell you that by doing what was best for me I did what was best for them. The Engineer got to "bond" with our children by feeding them too, that is a gift he wouldn't of had if I hadn't failed.