Open Mouth Insert Foot....

You know I never know when to shut up. Along with the malfunctioning filter that runs between my brain and my mouth, I often get myself in trouble. Okay, trouble might be too strong of a word, but I can definitely annoy some people.

Two things today showed that there have been no improvements for me in these areas. First, today was our monthly Afternoon with the Arts. It's a home school thing we do where the kids get to each show off something they did or can do. Like artwork, poetry and playing a musical instrument. They have to do it in front of an audience. Then afterward we have high tea for the kids, with finger food, and do a quick etiquette lesson. You know the whole shebang, cloth napkins, real china tea cups, place cards and practicing making small talk. Okay, I know, I know, I digressed. Eventually you'll get used to it. So anyway, who shows up today but the Girl Scout Leader who I previously had issue with. She has been avoiding me since our little to-do. I walk in the door and she's standing right there. She looks like a deer trapped in a snare, she wants to run but can't without being a total ass. So instead of saying a quick hi and letting her escape I make small talk. Forcing her to stay and talk to me for a few moments. It is probably the worst 3 minutes of her day and I thoroughly enjoyed it. After I let her go she was very careful to avoid me the rest of the afternoon. I knew I accomplished what I set out to do. Oh, the small things that bring me joy.

The other thing didn't bring me joy, in fact it bummed me out. I'm not sure what to do with this one. While on the road today we called IT Guy to wish him a happy birthday. After the traditional singing of Happy Birthday on speaker phone by the kids I take the phone. During the conversation I apologize for backing out of having him and his family over for our Passover Seder that I canceled due to an unexpected marathon shift at work. He said no problem and then tells me he doesn't even think we need to invite him over for it since they don't understand or contribute to the seder and they are not raising their kids Jewish. I let him know that he's stuck doing these things since he's the only local family I have. We have cousins out of state who sometimes make it but they can't always. Besides the whole reason for the seder is to tell the story and to learn. Every time I go to or have a seder I learn something new. So he agrees and sees my point. But could I stop there, no I couldn't. I had to open my mouth and continue on. I said I wanted them to be familiar with our traditions, especially his kids so they would understand their cousins religion. Especially since we are practicing Jews. It's hard enough when strangers have no clue about your religion or traditions but to have family members in the same boat is somehow worse. I could hear it in his voice. His discomfort level went up a couple of notches. Even though I have assured him numerous times that how he raises his kids is their decision and not a concern of mine I still get the feeling that he is not comfortable even talking about their choices. I know it's a sensitive issue for him so why don't I quit while I'm ahead. I don't know, maybe it's leftover Jewish Mother Guilt or something but I wish I could get it through his head that I just want them to join us and be a part of it because it's important to my family and we want them to share it with us and nothing more.

Two sides of the same coin. Will I ever learn to control it?

No good deed goes unpunished...

This was the post on Facebook today from a certain troop leader I know. The temptation to comment "you can say that again" under it was strong and I'm still not sure I'm going to be able to resist doing it.

As you now know we wrapped up cookie sales today. About two weeks ago our service unit cookie manager (SUCM) told me that we appear to be the top selling troop in her unit. All the numbers were not in but it was looking good for us. I don't even remember if I mentioned it to the other Cookie Mom. It was mentally filed under "I'll worry about that later." As things were coming to a close the SUCM met the other Cookie Mom and again mentioned to her that it looked like our troop was top sellers. We figured it would be really cool to be the ones to tell the girls.

So imagine our surprise, hurt, disappointment, and let down when one of the leaders posts to the GS Yahoo group that our group was the top seller. Then follow that up by the other leader posting how many boxes we sold and about how much money she figured we made. Talk about jumping the gun. All our final paperwork wasn't even done at this time. This was the response that the other Cookie Mom and I sent.

Hey (leader),

It's wonderful news and we are all very happy about how well the girls did. However, we were really looking forward to telling the girls ourselves. We worked pretty hard so the girls had the opportunity to make this a success and we wanted to share in their celebration when they found out. One of the only perks to being Cookie Mom(s) is being able to announce to the girls their success and hand out their prizes. We had hoped to be the ones to make this particular announcement.

We don't want to start a big to-do, we just wanted to let you know how we feel.
Cookie Mom 1 and Cookie Mom 2

PS. It is not necessary to thank us for our work. We were happy to do it for the girls, really.

Well, the response from the leader was quick and nasty. We didn't expect her to be happy but you would have thought we accused her of high treason. Her first complaint was that we responded directly to her email so it went to the group. Well yeah, if there is any hope of the moms not telling their daughters we needed to get that word out. Second complaint was that we attacked and berated her for announcing this. I didn't think so, in fact Cookie Mom 2 made me tone down the response, you should have seen my rough draft. She accused us of saying she had "evil intentions" and we were just mad because she "stole our thunder", which wasn't her intention. Please, dear reader, do you see any of that in our response. I assure you it wasn't even in my rough draft. We were upset, but not because we thought she did it intentionally to hurt us, just that she didn't consider that this might be something we'd like to announce. Let's not even get into the fact that this information wasn't even confirmed

So here's where we screwed up. In the beginning we had a problem in our troop. See, nobody in their right mind wanted to be cookie mom. So through a string of emails we decided to form a Cookie Team. The Cookie Team had a meeting. At the meeting we had the two leaders and us. First thing, right off the bat one of the leaders (who happens to be the one we are now having an issue with) informs us that she can be a part of the "team" but she is much too busy to be expected to actually do anything. The other leader told us she could help in the beginning but that she was going away on vacation for 3 weeks in the middle of cookie sales, and she's leaving in two weeks, so she would do what she could before she left. So we talk about what we need to know to get started and we each take "assignments". Since the one leader made it clear she didn't have time for this all she had to do was pick up some permission slips from the SUCM (who lives less than a mile from her house) and bring them to the next troop meeting in a week. The other leader was going to try to set up some booths at a bank. At the meeting we ask for the permission slips and she said she didn't get them but we could just go get them now if we wanted, which we did. So she now dumped the one thing she said she'd do right back in our lap. Okay, so much for that team member. So the other leader gets some booths set up and leaves for vacation. While on vacation she tries to stay in touch via email for the booths but it was getting to confusing with her away since most of the parents were approaching us to make the arrangements. So the Cookie Team became Cookie Mom 1 and Cookie Mom 2. We didn't bother to clarify this with our other "team members" since we were too damn busy actually doing the work. So the sale is wrapping up and CM1 and CM2 have everything under control. Damn, I digressed again. I was supposed to be telling you how we screwed up. We didn't tell the other two members of our so called Cookie Team that we planned to make the announcements to the girls and hand out their incentive prizes at a meeting. You know with everything going on you'd think we would have taken them into consideration. I mean I don't know why we wouldn't have told them. It's really only common courtesy considering all their hard work. Oh, wait a minute I have that backwards. Silly me. I'm all over the place aren't I.

So I'm wondering if it's just me. I mean with the weight of Jewish Mother Guilt always over my head sometimes it hard to know if I'm the guilty rotten party. I also sometimes get mired down by common sense. I forget that not everyone possesses that trait. So at close out we run our dilemma past our SUCM. See we lucked out, our SUCM is a life time super Girl Scout. Not only did this woman go through the entire girl scout program, she has been a troop leader, service unit manager and a cookie manager and her mother was some big boss honcho at Girl Scout HQ. This woman knows her Girl Scout stuff. So after running past her what happened she apologizes profusely for telling the leader that we might be top sellers, she had no idea this woman would do such a thing. She even said she'd remove her from the email list for cookie information if we wanted. She said what she did was totally inappropriate and that it is supposed to be the Cookie Mom(s) who gets the joy of sharing all the final numbers with the girls.

So now the other leader (who's back from vacation jumps in and wants to know how the Cookie Team became two Cookie Moms. After I explained it to her she didn't respond to my email. Guess she got my point. Oh and I cc that one to the other leader too, you know in case she was wondering.

The other Cookie Mom also sent a response to the leaders. Guess they got tired of it and never even responded to her. At least at this point anyway.

So my final line of my final email to them was "So please, if it involves cookie stuff, please run it past CM1 or CM2 before going to the group. It's all we're asking."

In the end the one leader (the one who posted the offending email) apologized. We said it was wrong of us to assume you knew these things. I'm sure they didn't pick up on the sacasm in that statement. I can tell you we have two very unhappy leaders who know they are between a rock and a hard place with this. Can you guess why? No hints..... Scroll down when you're ready to compare your answer.
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Because we did a great job, they know it and they know no one else in the troop is going to do it if we don't. So they are stuck with us as Cookie Moms. And as much work as it was we enjoyed it and the satisfaction we got from helping the girls reach their goals and do so well was sweet. So we're going to do this again next year. So suck it up ladies, tomorrow's a new day.

Birth of a Cookie Mom Czar

Because I have sucker written on my forehead I said I'd be part of a cookie team for my girls' Girl Scout Troop. The troop leader first asked if anyone would help, then begged, then laid on the guilt, then just threatened all the moms until two of us finally gave in "for our girls" and said we'd do it. Anybody that knows me knows it just pisses me off to have my Jewish mother guilt activated. So maybe they don't know what they've gotten themselves into by letting me be in charge of passing out the cookies. I have no idea how this is going to play out. I'm trying to keep that glass half full. Of course in the group of Girl Scout Mom's we have the two troop leaders, one who has an infant and one who is having a nervous breakdown over family issues. We have a mom who at first refused to have anything to do with the cookies because they contain trans fat and will kill us all, but gave in to her daughter after she begged to be allowed to sell them, we have the mom who stirs the cauldron of excrement, and the two moms who are like first graders giggling. I was grateful for the one and only sensible mom. Fortunately, the other half of this cookie team is someone I like. Somehow the two moms with the biggest homeschooling kid load wound up with this thankless job.

So today we have a safety meeting, it's mandatory if you want to sell cookies. The powers to be at GS HQ take this stuff very seriously. I'm not sure whether to be in awe of this GS cookie machine or terrified of it. So we split the group up. Mom's in one room, girls in the other. I take the Mom's (thank g-d, the thought of facing those excited pack of GS's sent shivers up my spine). All is going along well. I explained the rules, answered questions, gave them the rundown on how the cookie pickup will work. The two 1st grade moms are irritating me but I'm controlling my annoyance. The next thing I know we're done and the kids from the other room explode in and it's over. Or so I thought.

After the meeting the other cookie mom and I get together to go over the cookie pickup which is rapidly approaching. Both of us are a little nervous since we're new to this game and the one leader who said she'd help hasn't done the one thing we asked her to do. But after sitting down and making one of those lists I love we were feeling much more sure of ourselves. I head home feeling like we have this under control. We decided I'd send an email to the group just going over what we talked about just in case there were any questions. We only have one mom (other than my partner in cookie crime) who ever sold cookies before and she's always got her cauldron on her hip.

I log on getting ready to send my follow up email. And there it is; Subj: Questions!!!! It's from one of the 1st graders. My annoyance level immediately goes up a notch. I read her email, and the two responses, one from one of the leaders trying to answer her question and the other from cauldron mom doing what she does best. Of course her questions had been answered very clearly in the meeting. And on top of that, as usual her emails take on a condescending tone. After reading it a couple of times I realize that her pissy attitude is directed at her daughter, who she is apparently at war with over the cookie rules, not at us, which it first appeared to be. I called my cookie partner and dumped it in her lap. We talked it over and came up with a response which hopefully will answer her questions without escalating her attitude. The urge to respond with sarcasm was strong but being the mature adults we are (sound of throat clearing), did not stoop to her level. Of course all bets are off when it comes to blog fodder, but isn't that one of the points of having a blog. :-)

Two Sides to a Story

There are always two sides to every story. I fully believe that. I also believe that someone’s perception may not be what was meant but its still how they see it and you should try to see an issue from their side before you make judgments. Just because something was said doesn’t mean that it was received the way it was intended.

Several months ago the father of my daughters’ friend asked me if he could take them to see the Nutcracker in town at the end of December. He said his ex-wife (their friend's mother) and another of his daughters friends would be going along with her mother. They would take the train into the city, eat lunch, see the show, check out the local Christmas decorations and head home in time for dinner. The girls were very excited and with all the mothers going I didn’t have a problem sending them along. I don’t feel completely comfortable with the father. He seems to have very little control of his daughter (who needs control) and he doesn’t like to take no for an answer. When he wanted to take my daughters camping last summer and we didn’t feel comfortable with them going he continued to ask and give reasons why it would be okay. Apparently his daughter really wanted the girls to go along so he kept it up until finally I was forced to remind him that no thank you means no. It made me feel rude and I don’t like when someone activates my Jewish mother inflicted guilt.

So the other day Mr. H called and asked if I received his email about the show. I had not, so instead of telling me what was in it he said, “I’ll send it again.” Whatever… so as of last night I still hadn’t received the email so I called him to get the information and he said, “I’ll send it again.” Are you kidding me? Now I’m wondering what’s in the email that he doesn’t want to say. So late last night I check and its there. It’s full of information about train times, etc. The very last line is “I’m going to pay for the show and transportation but please send money with the girls for lunch.” Okay, no problem. I appreciate you taking them to the show; I certainly don’t expect you to feed them but… (don’t you love buts) when you invited them you mentioned the show, transportation and food as part of your day. I wish you would have told me ahead of time the girls would need cash. I figure you sent the email a few days ago so I would know but when I didn’t get it by late yesterday I wish you would have told me about it on the phone. Now it’s 9:30 at night, freezing outside, and I’m running a 101.5 fever and I only have about 4 dollars in cash in my pocket. So I’m forced to give them my debit card. They have used it before but I don’t feel comfortable with them getting food in a train station (there are a bunch of grab a quick meal restaurants in the main terminal), in the city with a debit card. It’s not them it’s the creepy people looking over their shoulder.

This morning The Vet and The Scientist are up early. They are very excited. Last night when I spoke to Mr. H he said he would be here around 9AM to pick up the girls then they were going to drive over to Ms. B (the ex-wife) to pick up the other people and they would all be heading to the train station. When I spoke to Ms. B she mentioned in passing that they were leaving from her house at 9AM for a 9:45 train. It’s a ½ hour drive to the train station. So when I talked to Mr. H. last night I mentioned that maybe he should pick them up at 8:50 since it was a few minutes to Ms. B’s. and there wasn’t a lot of extra time to get to the train. I got the non committal answer I expected. The girls were ready to go at 8:50 and he showed up at 9:05; are you ready for this? He invited himself in (well, it is freezing out) because now they are meeting here instead of Ms. B’s, geez thanks for the heads up on that one.
I have been sick (probably bronchitis) and running a fever. As you can imagine I was not thrilled with entertaining for even the 3 minutes it took Ms. B and the rest of the group to show up. It was so nice to meet someone new looking like crap.